"I'll be waiting."
That's what he said years ago, when I loved Yamato, not him. He understood how I felt at that time. He always understood. Taichi Yagami. I never knew a name could make me feel so happy. He had grown so much from a sometimes obnoxious 12 year old, to a mature, handsome 16 year old. That's when he said that to me. That was when I knew he had changed--that day during Yamato's concert. Or, maybe he didn't change. Maybe he always had that sweetness and maturity in him, I just didn't see it until that moment.
But I still loved Yamato.
Maybe it was the right thing to do at that time. Or maybe I just took advantage of him, knowing he will be there for me. No matter how you look at it, I shunned him.
My years with Yamato were wonderful. He was so sweet to me; I never knew Yamato could be so charming. Now, when I really think of it, I never really knew Yamato at all. Back when we were stuck in the Digital World, we never really talked much. He was always with Gabumon, Taichi, or Takeru. Even though I considered him a close friend, as I did all of them, I never really got to know him during those months in the Digital World.
So why did I fall for him?
Was it his good looks? His fame as a musician? No, I know it couldn't be as shallow as that. I knew I felt something for Yamato or else I wouldn't have stayed with him for so long. Now, I wonder if I ever really loved him; if we ever really loved each other.
I remember it like it was yesterday. Yamato and I knew that something was wrong between us, but neither of us had the guts to say anything. Until that day. He had come over to my house and was the one to break the ice. "Sora," he said in a serious tone, "I think we need to talk..." I knew it was coming. He knew it was coming. The sad thing was, I didn't feel angry that he broke it off. I didn't feel sad, or upset and neither did he. It was like there were no more feelings for us to share with each other, not even anger. There was just this large void where our "love" used to be.
When Yamato was about to walk out my bedroom door, he stopped and walked toward me. He put his hands on either side of my cheeks, which didn't make me shiver in pleasure as it did before, and he kissed my forehead. "Sora," he smiled at me with that 'killer smile' as I called it. "Go to the one you really love." He said that and left me standing in my room with a confused look on my face. I thought about what Yamato said for a while and I remembered what Taichi had said to me all those years ago.
"I'll be waiting..." was playing over and over in my mind like a broken record. It was then that I knew. Why was I so stupid?! It was Taichi all along. That was what Yamato meant. He knew how I felt about Taichi. Yamato was smart enough to figure it out before I did. But I haven't seen Taichi in two years, since he moved away. I hoped that he was true to his word and was waiting for me, but it was probably too late, now. He probably has a girlfriend. He probably forgot all about me. Just like I forgot about him.
I was so stupid.
It has been a little over a year since I have broken up with Yamato. It has been two years since I've seen Taichi. Taichi had gotten into NYU in America and moved there. Sure, we had talked on the phone and emailed each other for a while, but we had lost contact as time went on. I didn't talk to him about my feelings, though. I just couldn't, I was too much of a coward. So, one day, before I could change my mind, I decided to tell him. So, what do you do when you long to see the man you love?
You go to the airport.
I can't believe I was doing this. There I was, in seat 13B of a 727. There I was, in seat 13B of a 727 on a round trip to New York. There I was, in seat 13B of a 727 on a round trip to New York going to see him. I can't believe I was doing this. It was insane! I was going to another country to see a man I haven't seen in two years. He didn't know I was coming, of course. Which raised my chance of being a stalker by 40%. When Yamato and I broke up, he knew that I had loved Taichi; but I was too stupid and too nervous to do something about it. I forced myself to forget about Taichi, but I couldn't do it. Taichi was like that song you couldn't get out of your head no matter how hard you tried to get rid of it. My feelings for him had built up inside of me and I just couldn't take it anymore. I knew I loved him and I couldn't go on not knowing how he felt about me. I had loved him for so long, I just had to know if he felt the same.
I sat on a bench, right outside my apartment building, and looked at the people around me. I saw people walking, laughing, talking, and some pairs of people oblivious to the world around them. I smiled at those couples. I wondered if some of them were really in love. Were they soulmates? Or was it doomed to fail? Love is a very complicated game. I had been on this Earth for twenty years and I still do not get it. I sighed happily and looked up at the sky. "I sure don't get love, but I think it's great," I thought to myself. Love had come so unexpectedly. It was like...a car accident. Okay, bad comparison. What I mean is, that it completely and totally surprised me.
If you had told me that I would love her when I was twelve, I would've said "Yeah, when pigs fly out of my butt." To put it more eloquently, I never suspected that she would be the one that I loved. That she would me my soulmate for life. But there she was one day, at my doorstep, wanting to see me. It was like my eyes had finally opened and I finally saw that she was the one. Ever since then, life has been good. No, that's an understatement. Life has been great! I laughed to myself, and got some strange looks from people around me, but I didn't care.
"Talking to the voices in your head again?" a voice behind me said.
I didn't need to turn around to know who that person was. I knew her voice and everything about her by heart. I stood up and gave her a kiss.
She giggled a little, which made me heart beat three times as fast. It's ridiculous how just her laugh can make me feel so giddy.
"Why so happy today?"
"I'm always happy when I'm with you," I said. Man, if I wasn't so in love, I would make myself sick with all this sweet talk.
I lead her over to the bench I was sitting on. We both sat down and I put my arm around her. She leaned against me and sighed happily. Life couldn't get any better. I looked down at her brilliant brown eyes and we stared at each other for a while before we leaned towards each other and kissed. When I kiss her, it feels everything in the world is right. That everything would be okay as long as I was with her.
She pulled away and put her head back on my shoulder. "I love you, Tai," she said softly.
I smiled and held her tighter, "I love you too, Mimi."
I saw the couple together and stopped in my tracks. I knew that it was a bad idea to come here. I guess I had gotten my answer. They looked so happy together. I guess life is not what you expected it to be like. You can't always get what you want. Maybe, he wasn't what I needed. Maybe Taichi wasn't the one that I was meant to be with. But it still hurts. After all this time, it still hurts. It hurts like hell. I always tell myself that if I really love him, I should be happy for him. And I am, I really am.
But it still hurts.
I stared at the couple for a minute before walking away, a tear flowing down my cheek. "I love you, Tai." I whispered.
It still hurts.